Day 3 of NaBloPoMo brings a different voice to the blog. It feels a bit like stream-of -consciousness, and definitely went to places I didn't expect when I first started writing, but it proved very cathartic for me nonetheless. Hopefully, as the reader, you get something out of it, because I know I did.
If you weren't aware, I am the very proud father of 3 children: fraternal twins (boy and girl), who will be 2 near the end of this month, and a nearly 7 week old daughter. This statement alone should clue you in to the fact that, on the best of days, our home is a seething mass of chaos. Toys litter the landscape for as far as the eye can see, Cheerios and Goldfish constantly crunch underfoot, and tantrums are almost as common as Brangelina tabloid headlines. It's a far cry from the life my wife and I once shared, as two professionals living the DINK lifestyle. Ah, the carefree days of being able to get up when you wanted to on weekends, not being afraid to go out for dinner and uninterrupted nights of sleep. And while I wouldn't trade my life now for anything, I'm here to say, without reservation, that it's damn hard.
To put things in perspective, while writing the introductory paragraph, I left the computer no less than 3 times, to comfort my son, who should have been asleep some time ago. It seems that he chose this evening to discover his shadow, created by him jumping in front of his light-up musical aquarium in his crib, and deciding that he really didn't like it. Both my wife and I were up in the twins' room, comforting both the little ones (my son because he was scared and my daughter because she was so worried about her brother), wondering exactly how to convince him that his shadow is nothing to fear. Clearly, the first time didn't work, as she and I alternated trips up to calm our slightly shaking and very upset son a few more times before sleep won the fight and they now both are quiet.
Also, my lovely infant daughter seems to be able to produce more gas than your average elephant, and as you would imagine that makes her rather uncomfortable. This in turn makes us uncomfortable, because a screaming infant that you simply can't console isn't the epitome of a relaxing sound or sensation. Just as a sidebar, I never thought it could be possible that a child that small could clear a room with her noxious emissions, but trust me, it's possible.
I'm running on less than optimal sleep, because our oldest daughter was up 4 times in the night between the hours of 2am and 4:30am. She was in some sort of distress, and for the first time that I can remember, she cried out, "Dada! Mommy!" in the night. Most of the time, she either just moans or screams us awake, so this must have been serious. Some big hugs and tucking in later, she finally settled to allow us at least a bit of uninterrupted slumber.
All of these things have happened in just the past twenty-four hours, so you can only imagine what else has occurred recently. To be honest, I'm not sure exactly why I'm relaying all of this to you, the faceless, nameless reader. Therapy, maybe? There is the possibility that if I just get some of these experiences out of my head that they won't seem that bad. It's just that there are days that feel like they'll never end, and even when they do, there's another one just like it waiting for me with the rising of the sun. I won't lie to you, or me for that matter, and say that it's not discouraging at times. Talking to my wife, I sometimes liken the experience of parenthood to a hamster wheel that you can't get off. No matter how much you desperately want to stop running and just 'be' for a moment, the inexorable march of time and the needs of your children keep you running, running, running...
To go along with all of the responsibilities of being a parent, there's also the struggle with my inner child. You see, this immature little beast really wants to still be able to get up at noon on a Saturday and do whatever he wants. He still wants to go out and buy all the latest and greatest electronics and video games. He still wants to go to as many sporting events as he can secure tickets for. He still wants...well, he still wants to do whatever the hell he wants to do. The cold, hard reality of the situation is far different, though. Now, he is at least partially responsible for the care and well-being of three little lives, lives that would not exist if not for him. The twins are an alarm clock with no snooze button. Being home on weekends is no longer a restful experience. The running joke with my coworkers is that, "Work is where I can go to rest," but it's only partially a joke.
I switched to the third person in the last paragraph, at least in part, to try to separate myself from that aspect of my personality with which I struggle every day. To give in to the selfish wishes of my inner child goes against everything I need to do as a responsible parent. I need to be the best that I can be for them, to provide them with a roof over their heads, food on the table, clothes on their backs, and the opportunities to prosper in the realities of today. Along with the material requirements, I need to be attentive to them, show them the love and care that I received while growing up, so they never have to wonder if their parents love them. These responsibilities conflict with my desires for downtime and 'goofing off,' and there is a daily struggle for the dad I need to be to convince the child I want to be to put down the toys and fulfill the grownup obligations that just won't go away.
Now, if you've read this far, there hasn't been a whole lot of upside or anything to lead you to believe that I enjoy being a father. To the contrary, there are so many moments throughout the course of a day that make me take pause and realize just how blessed I really am. A smile from my infant daughter as I lay her on the changing table and let her kick her feet and wave her arms; my older daughter running into my arms for a "Big hug!"; my son, giggling uncontrollably as I crawl on the floor toward him, threatening him with tickles the whole way; the way they say "Please" and "Thank you" as I hand them their milk cups; the amazing reception I get when I come home from work, consisting of the kids screaming "Dada!" at the top of their lungs and grabbing me around the legs as I walk through the door. These are but a few of the incredible, unforgettable and amazing moments that help me cope with all the harsh realities of being an adult and causing me to stop and think about how lucky I really am, and that I wouldn't want it any other way.
Showing posts with label Home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Home. Show all posts
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Friday, October 17, 2008
Week in Review - Less than Stellar Edition
What a week it's been! The week started off alright, with work going relatively smoothly on Monday, but quickly made a downward turn when it was discovered that we had no hot water at our house. Before our kids, this would be an inconvenience, as two professional adults could make do, and deal with the hassle until we could find proper help. With two kids, and the mountains of clothes they go through, the bottles and dishes that need to be washed, the baths that need to be taken, and so forth, this is a big problem. I went down to investigate the issue. If you were to know anything about me, it's that I'm not very handy around the house, so me looking at the water heater is like a first-grader looking at a rocket. Sure, it looks shiny and cool, but I couldn't tell you the first thing about how it works or where to start troubleshooting the problem. I eventually made my way to the bottom of the unit (the heat in this case is provided by natural gas as opposed to electricity), and found that the pilot was out. Using the directions conveniently placed on the side of the tank, I was able to get the heater working again. My mind registered the dried up trail of what clearly was water leading away from the bottom of the unit, brushing it aside as an old leak...
About an hour later, I went back down into the basement to check to see how the heater was doing, and lo and behold, the bottom of the unit was surrounded with water. Clearly, this is why the pilot went out. That will teach me to ignore the warning signs in the future. To make a long story short, I stayed home from work the next day, and $925 later my problem was solved. The new heater works well, too well in fact. The old unit was becoming less and less able to heat the water, so we've been living with cooler and cooler water. This new unit, even at the factory preset of what should be around 115 degrees, provides water hot enough to cook meat on the bone. I've since turned it down twice just to make it tolerable.
To add to the fun of that day, I then had to attend a planning board hearing in one of the towns I'm working with, to present information in defense of a special permit application. The residents in the area got the wrong impression of what the hearing was being held to accomplish, and 30 or 40 people came in very angry and misinformed. That's a really bad combination. What should have taken less than 20 minutes and been an open and shut issue turned into an hour of unpleasant questions and people ignorant of the issue at hand spouting off about unrelated topics and generally making trouble. That's New England town government for you...
On the upside, I did have the opportunity at some point during the week (it was Wednesday evening, if I remember correctly) to catch an episode of UFC Unleashed, chronicling the fight between Wanderlei Silva and Chuck Liddell. Being a relative novice to the UFC scene, this was definitely one of the better fights I'd seen, from the level of intensity of both participants and the skill displayed by both men. It was also my first experience seeing Liddell fight, after having read about him in magazines and such. I have to admit, the more I watch MMA, the more I enjoy the whole experience, and it's clear that this has supplanted the WWE for people's entertainment dollar. I could be wrong on this, but the buzz around MMA seems to be far greater than around professional wrestling these days. That's another topic, though, to be discussed another day.
The Red Sox pulled off a huge comeback last night to force Game 6 in Tampa on Saturday. I'll admit that I was long asleep when the rally came, and I had fully expected to wake up today to the eulogy of the 2008 season, but live to fight another day. This could end up being just like last year, where the Sox were down to the Indians 3-1, then came back to take the ALCS and then sweep the World Series, but even to force a Game 7 is a tall order. James Shields has been a nightmare for Sox hitters, and who knows which Josh Beckett will show up on Saturday. If any team can do it, though, it's this one, so hope is never lost.
Also during this week, I've made progress in Half Life 2. I currently stand near the beginning of the antlion area in the 'Sandtraps' stage, where I've helped the Resistance forces fight off the attack at the lighthouse and traveled down the cliff path to the beach. The poor schmuck acting as lookout has been killed by the antlions, and I've jumped on a few rocks to get to the beach. It was there I saved and shut down for the night. I'm rapidly approaching where I stopped playing the last time, just after entering Nova Prospekt. If I'm not mistaken, that area of the game is after working through the antlion area. I'm still just as bad at shooters as I always was, but the story and experience are worth working through this game.
It has been written many times about the characters in Half Life 2, and how well they are brought to life and voiced in such a way as to make the player care about them. One example that really stuck out for me during this playthrough was the character of Father Gregori, the hermit who helps you through the Ravenholm area. The voice acting was great, and I really started to care for the guy, so much so in fact that I didn't want to leave him when he held the gate open to the mine for me. As the gate closed behind me, he yelled something about his congregation and laughed. Turning back at the entrance to the mine area, the steams of headcrab zombies could be seen making their way toward him, so many that it was clear he wasn't going to make it. Even though it was just a game, and a scripted event within that game, I turned quickly and entered the mine area, because I didn't want to see what happened. For a brief moment, I had the sinking feeling in my stomach that I couldn't do anything to save him. That moment made me realize just how well-crafted the story and characters are in this game, and gave me a newfound appreciation for the fine art of storytelling in this medium.
So, what are you going to be playing this weekend? I intend to make my way through Half Life 2, and also to finish up Portal, which I started earlier in the week. After that, I'm thinking about a change of pace to something a more lighthearted and fun. This is probably a good opportunity to check out some of the free games on the Internet, as some of them show real promise. I also am looking to 'cleanse the palette,' if you will, with the release of Fallout 3 only a little over a week away. Any suggestions?
About an hour later, I went back down into the basement to check to see how the heater was doing, and lo and behold, the bottom of the unit was surrounded with water. Clearly, this is why the pilot went out. That will teach me to ignore the warning signs in the future. To make a long story short, I stayed home from work the next day, and $925 later my problem was solved. The new heater works well, too well in fact. The old unit was becoming less and less able to heat the water, so we've been living with cooler and cooler water. This new unit, even at the factory preset of what should be around 115 degrees, provides water hot enough to cook meat on the bone. I've since turned it down twice just to make it tolerable.
To add to the fun of that day, I then had to attend a planning board hearing in one of the towns I'm working with, to present information in defense of a special permit application. The residents in the area got the wrong impression of what the hearing was being held to accomplish, and 30 or 40 people came in very angry and misinformed. That's a really bad combination. What should have taken less than 20 minutes and been an open and shut issue turned into an hour of unpleasant questions and people ignorant of the issue at hand spouting off about unrelated topics and generally making trouble. That's New England town government for you...
On the upside, I did have the opportunity at some point during the week (it was Wednesday evening, if I remember correctly) to catch an episode of UFC Unleashed, chronicling the fight between Wanderlei Silva and Chuck Liddell. Being a relative novice to the UFC scene, this was definitely one of the better fights I'd seen, from the level of intensity of both participants and the skill displayed by both men. It was also my first experience seeing Liddell fight, after having read about him in magazines and such. I have to admit, the more I watch MMA, the more I enjoy the whole experience, and it's clear that this has supplanted the WWE for people's entertainment dollar. I could be wrong on this, but the buzz around MMA seems to be far greater than around professional wrestling these days. That's another topic, though, to be discussed another day.
The Red Sox pulled off a huge comeback last night to force Game 6 in Tampa on Saturday. I'll admit that I was long asleep when the rally came, and I had fully expected to wake up today to the eulogy of the 2008 season, but live to fight another day. This could end up being just like last year, where the Sox were down to the Indians 3-1, then came back to take the ALCS and then sweep the World Series, but even to force a Game 7 is a tall order. James Shields has been a nightmare for Sox hitters, and who knows which Josh Beckett will show up on Saturday. If any team can do it, though, it's this one, so hope is never lost.
Also during this week, I've made progress in Half Life 2. I currently stand near the beginning of the antlion area in the 'Sandtraps' stage, where I've helped the Resistance forces fight off the attack at the lighthouse and traveled down the cliff path to the beach. The poor schmuck acting as lookout has been killed by the antlions, and I've jumped on a few rocks to get to the beach. It was there I saved and shut down for the night. I'm rapidly approaching where I stopped playing the last time, just after entering Nova Prospekt. If I'm not mistaken, that area of the game is after working through the antlion area. I'm still just as bad at shooters as I always was, but the story and experience are worth working through this game.
It has been written many times about the characters in Half Life 2, and how well they are brought to life and voiced in such a way as to make the player care about them. One example that really stuck out for me during this playthrough was the character of Father Gregori, the hermit who helps you through the Ravenholm area. The voice acting was great, and I really started to care for the guy, so much so in fact that I didn't want to leave him when he held the gate open to the mine for me. As the gate closed behind me, he yelled something about his congregation and laughed. Turning back at the entrance to the mine area, the steams of headcrab zombies could be seen making their way toward him, so many that it was clear he wasn't going to make it. Even though it was just a game, and a scripted event within that game, I turned quickly and entered the mine area, because I didn't want to see what happened. For a brief moment, I had the sinking feeling in my stomach that I couldn't do anything to save him. That moment made me realize just how well-crafted the story and characters are in this game, and gave me a newfound appreciation for the fine art of storytelling in this medium.
So, what are you going to be playing this weekend? I intend to make my way through Half Life 2, and also to finish up Portal, which I started earlier in the week. After that, I'm thinking about a change of pace to something a more lighthearted and fun. This is probably a good opportunity to check out some of the free games on the Internet, as some of them show real promise. I also am looking to 'cleanse the palette,' if you will, with the release of Fallout 3 only a little over a week away. Any suggestions?
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