The sixth installment in my quest to 'win' NaBloPoMo has me talking about a particular game, and wondering more about its genre.
Tonight provided the opportunity, after putting all three kids to bed, to load and try Defense Grid: The Awakening, yet another one of my budget buys during the massive Steam sale that ended this past weekend. Considering that my only other tower defense gaming experience to this point is Plants vs. Zombies (PvZ), I was interested to see if a more traditional tower defense game would interest me.
I'm happy to say that the initial returns are positive. Only having time to squeeze in the first 3-4 missions, before being summoned for baby cuddling duty, it was an interesting experience, especially in comparison of the two. In PvZ, the resource is sunlight, generated by units built by the player, with a small amount randomly appearing in daylight stages, thus giving the player a direct influence over the factor limiting the amount of units you can create. The resource in Defense grid, cleverly called "Resources," is generated by destroying enemies, so there is a bit less control by the player over the amount of resource available in a single mission. The friendly and enemy units are both occupying the same path in PvZ, whereas the towers and aliens in Defense Grid do not actually come in contact. In PvZ, the enemy can destroy friendly units, while the towers in Defense Grid are invincible. In PvZ, the enemies march in a straight line, from the right side of the screen to the left, while the paths the aliens take are more winding. These differences allow for two distinctly different strategies and mindsets the player must have to succeed.
The enjoyment I've had playing these two games makes me wonder what other games I've been missing in the tower defense genre. If you're reading this and you have any suggestions as to games I should try, please let me know, as I'm interested in seeing what else is out there. One game that comes to mind is Pixeljunk Monsters, which is the big tower defense game on PSN. Another one I've heard decent things about is the South Park downloadable game on XBLA. Please, if you know of others, I'm all ears.
On another note, I did use some Christmas fun money to buy an XBox 360 wired controller for my PC. This should allow me to play Braid in a less clumsy manner, and I've also been saving a copy of Assassin's Creed until I had a game pad to play. There are just some games that play better with an analog stick.
That's all for now. Hopefully I'll have a meatier post for you tomorrow.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Top 10 Games of the Past Decade: The Top 5
Day 5 of NaBloPoMo brings the conclusion of my decade top 10 list.
As I bring my 'top 10 games of the decade' list to a close, it was hard not to notice the common thread that wove its way through the games in the top five. All of them, in their own ways, created an atmosphere that stuck with me long after finishing the game. Each one created a world that I wanted to keep returning to, directly in conflict with my gaming ADD personality. It's this atmosphere and personality which caused them to transcend any mechanical flaws or shortcomings, propelling them to the top of my list. And with that, the conclusion...
5. Half Life 2 (PC) - Not being a first person shooter fan, I tried playing this game at some point in 2005, and didn't get very far before moving on to other games. Upon revisiting it in 2008, and vowing to pay more attention to the experience than the game mechanics, it's not a stretch to say I was blown away. This is a well-crafted, tight, evenly paced game that continually pulled me along for the ride, introducing memorable NPCs (Alyx Vance being at the top of that list), weapons that allowed for some creativity (the gravity gun), level design which keeps the player moving forward even if they don't realize it, and a story that means something. Even playing the game 4 years after its initial release, the graphics were crisp and conveyed the atmosphere of the settings. My particular favorite segment in the game, even though it caused me no end of jitters and jumpy moments, was the time spent in Ravenholm with the headcrab zombies. That area oozed atmosphere, and the inclusion of the 'reverend' tending to his 'flock' made it all the more entertaining.
4. Portal (PC) - This game should not be called a game at all; it should be referred to as an experience. Expertly crafted, cleverly written, simple mechanics used in creative ways, and not artificially drawn out, more games should take their cues from this one. You're a human lab rat in a series of experiments overseen by a maniacal, sarcastic computer, given only a portal gun to solve the challenges in each room. Clocking in at just over 3 hours, it's long enough to be able to experiment with enjoy, but not so long you're wishing it was over. The game also contains one of the most overused game quotes in history (The cake is a lie!) and an incredibly appropriate final song (Still Alive) which I still catch myself humming from time to time. I can't recommend this game enough to fans of any gaming genre. It's worth experiencing for yourself.
3. Bioshock (360) - There are many memorable scenes from this game. One that most people having experienced it would cite is the major plot twist about 70% through the game, but I would actually choose another one. The initial bathysphere ride from the surface down to Rapture, complete with Andrew Ryan's movie narrating through the descent, does more to set the scene than any other game that comes to mind. Even though I'm not a fan of first person shooters, I worked my way through this game purely to experience the story. Ken Levine and his team created such a haunting location for this bizarre take on Ayn Rand's work that it was hard not to get sucked in. The use of audio tapes and directions from an unseen 'helper' on the radio only emphasized the surreal setting. The game mechanics backed up the fantastic narrative, with competent shooter mechanics fused with light RPG elements of character customization. The morality of the game, conveyed by the audio tapes, conversations with survivors, and the major moral choice forced upon the player, serve to enrich the narrative and deepen the despair conveyed by the city under the sea. Yet again, it's something worth experiencing for yourself.
2. Mass Effect (360, PC) - Taking inspiration from great science fiction of the past 3 decades, Mass Effect combines it all into an epic story spanning the galaxy. The conversations between your character and the NPCs throughout the worlds, the situations you and your companions are placed in, the overarching politics behind the story, they all factor into a moment in my gaming history that I truly treasure. I can't forget the sense of urgency and anticipation as I pushed through the last area on my way to what proved to be the final encounter of the game, and all of the other moments, large and small, that contributed to that sequence of events. I enjoyed this game so much that I've played through it twice now (that's definitely saying something for me, considering the relative constraints on my time) and enjoyed the second time as much as the first. This game has been described as a 'space opera,' and I couldn't agree more. Bioware, the developer, has indicated that this would be the first entry in a larger story arc, following the traditional '3-act structure' made popular in our cultural lexicon by the original Star Wars trilogy. The second 'act' comes out late this month and you can be sure I'll be snapping that up as soon as possible.
1. Fallout 3 and DLC (PC) - Finally, to the game I feel deserves the top spot in my list. During the weeks leading up to this game's release, I was very excited. Having dabbled in the first game when it was released in 1997, I couldn't wait for a version utilizing 10+ years of game design innovation and graphical fidelity upgrades. I'm happy to report I wasn't disappointed. Set in the post-apocalyptic DC area, it didn't have the most cheerful of settings. In fact, it can be best described as "desolate and depressing." That didn't stop me from diving headfirst into the story, and ultimately creating my own. The story missions provided progress and milestones; I provided all of the story in between. Having spent over 100 hours wandering through the wasteland, I feel that the stories that I made, by exploring all of the structures, caves, landmarks, etc., piecing together stories of people long since gone, being ambushed by raiders and radioactive monsters alike, far outshone the narrative laid out by Bethesda. In every sense of the phrase, this game embodied the journey and not the destination. Fortunately for me, Bethesda released 5 chunks of downloadable content to extend my journeys in the wasteland and surrounding areas, and I enjoyed them immensely. If you can deal with the depressing atmosphere, there is a great game in there, and worthy of "The Best Game of the Decade" moniker, at least in my estimation.
Well, that wraps it up for me. I'd love to hear your comments, arguments, discussion or otherwise about my choices. Even more so, I'd love to hear about the games I've left off this list that you feel should be there. Thanks for reading!
As I bring my 'top 10 games of the decade' list to a close, it was hard not to notice the common thread that wove its way through the games in the top five. All of them, in their own ways, created an atmosphere that stuck with me long after finishing the game. Each one created a world that I wanted to keep returning to, directly in conflict with my gaming ADD personality. It's this atmosphere and personality which caused them to transcend any mechanical flaws or shortcomings, propelling them to the top of my list. And with that, the conclusion...
5. Half Life 2 (PC) - Not being a first person shooter fan, I tried playing this game at some point in 2005, and didn't get very far before moving on to other games. Upon revisiting it in 2008, and vowing to pay more attention to the experience than the game mechanics, it's not a stretch to say I was blown away. This is a well-crafted, tight, evenly paced game that continually pulled me along for the ride, introducing memorable NPCs (Alyx Vance being at the top of that list), weapons that allowed for some creativity (the gravity gun), level design which keeps the player moving forward even if they don't realize it, and a story that means something. Even playing the game 4 years after its initial release, the graphics were crisp and conveyed the atmosphere of the settings. My particular favorite segment in the game, even though it caused me no end of jitters and jumpy moments, was the time spent in Ravenholm with the headcrab zombies. That area oozed atmosphere, and the inclusion of the 'reverend' tending to his 'flock' made it all the more entertaining.
4. Portal (PC) - This game should not be called a game at all; it should be referred to as an experience. Expertly crafted, cleverly written, simple mechanics used in creative ways, and not artificially drawn out, more games should take their cues from this one. You're a human lab rat in a series of experiments overseen by a maniacal, sarcastic computer, given only a portal gun to solve the challenges in each room. Clocking in at just over 3 hours, it's long enough to be able to experiment with enjoy, but not so long you're wishing it was over. The game also contains one of the most overused game quotes in history (The cake is a lie!) and an incredibly appropriate final song (Still Alive) which I still catch myself humming from time to time. I can't recommend this game enough to fans of any gaming genre. It's worth experiencing for yourself.
3. Bioshock (360) - There are many memorable scenes from this game. One that most people having experienced it would cite is the major plot twist about 70% through the game, but I would actually choose another one. The initial bathysphere ride from the surface down to Rapture, complete with Andrew Ryan's movie narrating through the descent, does more to set the scene than any other game that comes to mind. Even though I'm not a fan of first person shooters, I worked my way through this game purely to experience the story. Ken Levine and his team created such a haunting location for this bizarre take on Ayn Rand's work that it was hard not to get sucked in. The use of audio tapes and directions from an unseen 'helper' on the radio only emphasized the surreal setting. The game mechanics backed up the fantastic narrative, with competent shooter mechanics fused with light RPG elements of character customization. The morality of the game, conveyed by the audio tapes, conversations with survivors, and the major moral choice forced upon the player, serve to enrich the narrative and deepen the despair conveyed by the city under the sea. Yet again, it's something worth experiencing for yourself.
2. Mass Effect (360, PC) - Taking inspiration from great science fiction of the past 3 decades, Mass Effect combines it all into an epic story spanning the galaxy. The conversations between your character and the NPCs throughout the worlds, the situations you and your companions are placed in, the overarching politics behind the story, they all factor into a moment in my gaming history that I truly treasure. I can't forget the sense of urgency and anticipation as I pushed through the last area on my way to what proved to be the final encounter of the game, and all of the other moments, large and small, that contributed to that sequence of events. I enjoyed this game so much that I've played through it twice now (that's definitely saying something for me, considering the relative constraints on my time) and enjoyed the second time as much as the first. This game has been described as a 'space opera,' and I couldn't agree more. Bioware, the developer, has indicated that this would be the first entry in a larger story arc, following the traditional '3-act structure' made popular in our cultural lexicon by the original Star Wars trilogy. The second 'act' comes out late this month and you can be sure I'll be snapping that up as soon as possible.
1. Fallout 3 and DLC (PC) - Finally, to the game I feel deserves the top spot in my list. During the weeks leading up to this game's release, I was very excited. Having dabbled in the first game when it was released in 1997, I couldn't wait for a version utilizing 10+ years of game design innovation and graphical fidelity upgrades. I'm happy to report I wasn't disappointed. Set in the post-apocalyptic DC area, it didn't have the most cheerful of settings. In fact, it can be best described as "desolate and depressing." That didn't stop me from diving headfirst into the story, and ultimately creating my own. The story missions provided progress and milestones; I provided all of the story in between. Having spent over 100 hours wandering through the wasteland, I feel that the stories that I made, by exploring all of the structures, caves, landmarks, etc., piecing together stories of people long since gone, being ambushed by raiders and radioactive monsters alike, far outshone the narrative laid out by Bethesda. In every sense of the phrase, this game embodied the journey and not the destination. Fortunately for me, Bethesda released 5 chunks of downloadable content to extend my journeys in the wasteland and surrounding areas, and I enjoyed them immensely. If you can deal with the depressing atmosphere, there is a great game in there, and worthy of "The Best Game of the Decade" moniker, at least in my estimation.
Well, that wraps it up for me. I'd love to hear your comments, arguments, discussion or otherwise about my choices. Even more so, I'd love to hear about the games I've left off this list that you feel should be there. Thanks for reading!
Monday, January 4, 2010
Top 10 Games of the Past Decade: Bottom 5 Edition
Day 4 of NaBloPoMo finds me aping the Player One Podcast's latest episode, focusing on the hosts' top 10 games for the years 2000-2009. I enjoyed listening to it so much, I thought I would take the time to compile my list and share it here.
Well here it is, another useless list for your reading pleasure. This is my stab at naming the top 10 games of the decade, filtered through my experiences, games played, systems owned and interests. I'm fairly positive that this will be one of the more offbeat lists you'll read on this topic, as I lost most of 2000-2004 playing MMO's and not actually owning a console. This definitely colors my choices, as you'll see. On to the list...
10. Puzzle Quest: Challenge of the Warlords (DS) - For me, this game came out of nowhere, because at the time of its release, I had never played Bejeweled or any of its numerous clones and knockoffs. The personal draw for me came from the RPG trappings and the promise of simple yet addictive game mechanics attached to all aspects of the game. On these two promises, Puzzle Quest delivered in spades. From my best guess, I probably sank 20-30 hours into the adventure, from working through the story quests, to capturing towns, creating new items, training mounts, learning new spells, and everything else the game offered. The DS touchscreen provided the perfect input method, as using the stylus to choose and swap gems couldn't have been more intuitive. I keep hoping for another experience of this type to capture the same magic (Galactrix, Gyromancer), but so far none have lived up to the original.
9. Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2004 (PS2) - Now wait, stop rolling your eyes. While thinking about this list, I was shocked as to how many fond memories I had of this particular game, just one of many iterations in an admittedly fantastic sports franchise. There have been many games since that improved on the mechanics, the graphics, and the overall feel, but none of those will hold the same place in my heart as this one. This fact is due to the method in which I experienced it, and that was with friends. At the time of this game's release, I was living with a couple of buddies from work, and one of them owned the PS2 and this game. Before long, we had all created golfers, and would spend our evenings passing the controller around, watching each other play rounds against computer opponents, or engaging in links warfare between ourselves. Simply sharing the trash talk, the disbelief at an incredible shot or bounce, and enjoying the game for what it was, will have this game holding a special place from here on out. I tried to recapture the magic with later versions of the game but, after moving out of that apartment and not having anyone to share the experience with on a regular basis, they couldn't hold a candle to the '04 version.
8. Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (360) - The first game I bought when I picked up my 360, this game gave me everything I could have wanted and more. When the dust settled, I had sunk more than 140 hours into the game, and didn't even complete the main storyline! There were just too many sidequests, too many DLC addon packs to explore, too many distractions for me to focus on the what amounted to completing the game. The graphics were admittedly a bit muddy and the character models left a lot to be desired (there wasn't an attractive person to be found in that world), but these shortcomings took a backseat to all of the things that you could do. By the time I finally had my fill and drifted away from it, my character had completed the quests for all five of the guilds in the land and had explored nearly every structure, cave, building, etc. to be found. If only I had taken the time to complete the main story...
7. Everquest (PC) - This game, and others like it, is one of the reasons that my list doesn't contain many games from the earlier half of the decade. While I was not consuming individual games at the pace I attempt to now, my gaming time was more than occupied by this MMORPG, the first king of the hill before being dethroned by World of Warcraft. While I never saw any of the endgame content, I thoroughly enjoyed making character after character and working my way through their early development, only to start yet another race and class to see what they had to offer. My gaming ADD, and the fact that I did my absolute best not to let MMO gaming rule my life (you can ask my wife how well I did with that) never afforded me the opportunity to see the large raids or be a part of a large guild. Nevertheless, the memories created in that time still cause me to smile.
6. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (PC) - During the holiday season of 2003 my brother-in-law, who was living with my wife and I at the time, asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I had been hearing about a new Star Wars game that was getting great reviews, so I asked him for that. The game turned out to be KOTOR, and it really opened my eyes to what a single-player RPG could be, with the backing of an incredible license and the right developer putting everything together. The visuals, the combat, the moral choices (albeit very binary and not affecting the outcome of the story at all), the companions, and the story wove a tapestry that I just couldn't pull myself away from. All told, my playthrough took me somewhere around 40 hours, and when it was over I wished I could play it again without knowing all of the plot points and twists. The genius of the approach Bioware took with this game lies in the fact that they set the story so far removed from the events of the movies that they had the ability to create a fantastic narrative free of the shackles of the movies' history. I absolutely loved the tactical combat, and the fact that I had a lightsaber. It was my 6 year old self being able to live out his dream (well, almost).
Tomorrow: my top 5 games of the decade.
Well here it is, another useless list for your reading pleasure. This is my stab at naming the top 10 games of the decade, filtered through my experiences, games played, systems owned and interests. I'm fairly positive that this will be one of the more offbeat lists you'll read on this topic, as I lost most of 2000-2004 playing MMO's and not actually owning a console. This definitely colors my choices, as you'll see. On to the list...
10. Puzzle Quest: Challenge of the Warlords (DS) - For me, this game came out of nowhere, because at the time of its release, I had never played Bejeweled or any of its numerous clones and knockoffs. The personal draw for me came from the RPG trappings and the promise of simple yet addictive game mechanics attached to all aspects of the game. On these two promises, Puzzle Quest delivered in spades. From my best guess, I probably sank 20-30 hours into the adventure, from working through the story quests, to capturing towns, creating new items, training mounts, learning new spells, and everything else the game offered. The DS touchscreen provided the perfect input method, as using the stylus to choose and swap gems couldn't have been more intuitive. I keep hoping for another experience of this type to capture the same magic (Galactrix, Gyromancer), but so far none have lived up to the original.
9. Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2004 (PS2) - Now wait, stop rolling your eyes. While thinking about this list, I was shocked as to how many fond memories I had of this particular game, just one of many iterations in an admittedly fantastic sports franchise. There have been many games since that improved on the mechanics, the graphics, and the overall feel, but none of those will hold the same place in my heart as this one. This fact is due to the method in which I experienced it, and that was with friends. At the time of this game's release, I was living with a couple of buddies from work, and one of them owned the PS2 and this game. Before long, we had all created golfers, and would spend our evenings passing the controller around, watching each other play rounds against computer opponents, or engaging in links warfare between ourselves. Simply sharing the trash talk, the disbelief at an incredible shot or bounce, and enjoying the game for what it was, will have this game holding a special place from here on out. I tried to recapture the magic with later versions of the game but, after moving out of that apartment and not having anyone to share the experience with on a regular basis, they couldn't hold a candle to the '04 version.
8. Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (360) - The first game I bought when I picked up my 360, this game gave me everything I could have wanted and more. When the dust settled, I had sunk more than 140 hours into the game, and didn't even complete the main storyline! There were just too many sidequests, too many DLC addon packs to explore, too many distractions for me to focus on the what amounted to completing the game. The graphics were admittedly a bit muddy and the character models left a lot to be desired (there wasn't an attractive person to be found in that world), but these shortcomings took a backseat to all of the things that you could do. By the time I finally had my fill and drifted away from it, my character had completed the quests for all five of the guilds in the land and had explored nearly every structure, cave, building, etc. to be found. If only I had taken the time to complete the main story...
7. Everquest (PC) - This game, and others like it, is one of the reasons that my list doesn't contain many games from the earlier half of the decade. While I was not consuming individual games at the pace I attempt to now, my gaming time was more than occupied by this MMORPG, the first king of the hill before being dethroned by World of Warcraft. While I never saw any of the endgame content, I thoroughly enjoyed making character after character and working my way through their early development, only to start yet another race and class to see what they had to offer. My gaming ADD, and the fact that I did my absolute best not to let MMO gaming rule my life (you can ask my wife how well I did with that) never afforded me the opportunity to see the large raids or be a part of a large guild. Nevertheless, the memories created in that time still cause me to smile.
6. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic (PC) - During the holiday season of 2003 my brother-in-law, who was living with my wife and I at the time, asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I had been hearing about a new Star Wars game that was getting great reviews, so I asked him for that. The game turned out to be KOTOR, and it really opened my eyes to what a single-player RPG could be, with the backing of an incredible license and the right developer putting everything together. The visuals, the combat, the moral choices (albeit very binary and not affecting the outcome of the story at all), the companions, and the story wove a tapestry that I just couldn't pull myself away from. All told, my playthrough took me somewhere around 40 hours, and when it was over I wished I could play it again without knowing all of the plot points and twists. The genius of the approach Bioware took with this game lies in the fact that they set the story so far removed from the events of the movies that they had the ability to create a fantastic narrative free of the shackles of the movies' history. I absolutely loved the tactical combat, and the fact that I had a lightsaber. It was my 6 year old self being able to live out his dream (well, almost).
Tomorrow: my top 5 games of the decade.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Being a Dad is Hard
Day 3 of NaBloPoMo brings a different voice to the blog. It feels a bit like stream-of -consciousness, and definitely went to places I didn't expect when I first started writing, but it proved very cathartic for me nonetheless. Hopefully, as the reader, you get something out of it, because I know I did.
If you weren't aware, I am the very proud father of 3 children: fraternal twins (boy and girl), who will be 2 near the end of this month, and a nearly 7 week old daughter. This statement alone should clue you in to the fact that, on the best of days, our home is a seething mass of chaos. Toys litter the landscape for as far as the eye can see, Cheerios and Goldfish constantly crunch underfoot, and tantrums are almost as common as Brangelina tabloid headlines. It's a far cry from the life my wife and I once shared, as two professionals living the DINK lifestyle. Ah, the carefree days of being able to get up when you wanted to on weekends, not being afraid to go out for dinner and uninterrupted nights of sleep. And while I wouldn't trade my life now for anything, I'm here to say, without reservation, that it's damn hard.
To put things in perspective, while writing the introductory paragraph, I left the computer no less than 3 times, to comfort my son, who should have been asleep some time ago. It seems that he chose this evening to discover his shadow, created by him jumping in front of his light-up musical aquarium in his crib, and deciding that he really didn't like it. Both my wife and I were up in the twins' room, comforting both the little ones (my son because he was scared and my daughter because she was so worried about her brother), wondering exactly how to convince him that his shadow is nothing to fear. Clearly, the first time didn't work, as she and I alternated trips up to calm our slightly shaking and very upset son a few more times before sleep won the fight and they now both are quiet.
Also, my lovely infant daughter seems to be able to produce more gas than your average elephant, and as you would imagine that makes her rather uncomfortable. This in turn makes us uncomfortable, because a screaming infant that you simply can't console isn't the epitome of a relaxing sound or sensation. Just as a sidebar, I never thought it could be possible that a child that small could clear a room with her noxious emissions, but trust me, it's possible.
I'm running on less than optimal sleep, because our oldest daughter was up 4 times in the night between the hours of 2am and 4:30am. She was in some sort of distress, and for the first time that I can remember, she cried out, "Dada! Mommy!" in the night. Most of the time, she either just moans or screams us awake, so this must have been serious. Some big hugs and tucking in later, she finally settled to allow us at least a bit of uninterrupted slumber.
All of these things have happened in just the past twenty-four hours, so you can only imagine what else has occurred recently. To be honest, I'm not sure exactly why I'm relaying all of this to you, the faceless, nameless reader. Therapy, maybe? There is the possibility that if I just get some of these experiences out of my head that they won't seem that bad. It's just that there are days that feel like they'll never end, and even when they do, there's another one just like it waiting for me with the rising of the sun. I won't lie to you, or me for that matter, and say that it's not discouraging at times. Talking to my wife, I sometimes liken the experience of parenthood to a hamster wheel that you can't get off. No matter how much you desperately want to stop running and just 'be' for a moment, the inexorable march of time and the needs of your children keep you running, running, running...
To go along with all of the responsibilities of being a parent, there's also the struggle with my inner child. You see, this immature little beast really wants to still be able to get up at noon on a Saturday and do whatever he wants. He still wants to go out and buy all the latest and greatest electronics and video games. He still wants to go to as many sporting events as he can secure tickets for. He still wants...well, he still wants to do whatever the hell he wants to do. The cold, hard reality of the situation is far different, though. Now, he is at least partially responsible for the care and well-being of three little lives, lives that would not exist if not for him. The twins are an alarm clock with no snooze button. Being home on weekends is no longer a restful experience. The running joke with my coworkers is that, "Work is where I can go to rest," but it's only partially a joke.
I switched to the third person in the last paragraph, at least in part, to try to separate myself from that aspect of my personality with which I struggle every day. To give in to the selfish wishes of my inner child goes against everything I need to do as a responsible parent. I need to be the best that I can be for them, to provide them with a roof over their heads, food on the table, clothes on their backs, and the opportunities to prosper in the realities of today. Along with the material requirements, I need to be attentive to them, show them the love and care that I received while growing up, so they never have to wonder if their parents love them. These responsibilities conflict with my desires for downtime and 'goofing off,' and there is a daily struggle for the dad I need to be to convince the child I want to be to put down the toys and fulfill the grownup obligations that just won't go away.
Now, if you've read this far, there hasn't been a whole lot of upside or anything to lead you to believe that I enjoy being a father. To the contrary, there are so many moments throughout the course of a day that make me take pause and realize just how blessed I really am. A smile from my infant daughter as I lay her on the changing table and let her kick her feet and wave her arms; my older daughter running into my arms for a "Big hug!"; my son, giggling uncontrollably as I crawl on the floor toward him, threatening him with tickles the whole way; the way they say "Please" and "Thank you" as I hand them their milk cups; the amazing reception I get when I come home from work, consisting of the kids screaming "Dada!" at the top of their lungs and grabbing me around the legs as I walk through the door. These are but a few of the incredible, unforgettable and amazing moments that help me cope with all the harsh realities of being an adult and causing me to stop and think about how lucky I really am, and that I wouldn't want it any other way.
If you weren't aware, I am the very proud father of 3 children: fraternal twins (boy and girl), who will be 2 near the end of this month, and a nearly 7 week old daughter. This statement alone should clue you in to the fact that, on the best of days, our home is a seething mass of chaos. Toys litter the landscape for as far as the eye can see, Cheerios and Goldfish constantly crunch underfoot, and tantrums are almost as common as Brangelina tabloid headlines. It's a far cry from the life my wife and I once shared, as two professionals living the DINK lifestyle. Ah, the carefree days of being able to get up when you wanted to on weekends, not being afraid to go out for dinner and uninterrupted nights of sleep. And while I wouldn't trade my life now for anything, I'm here to say, without reservation, that it's damn hard.
To put things in perspective, while writing the introductory paragraph, I left the computer no less than 3 times, to comfort my son, who should have been asleep some time ago. It seems that he chose this evening to discover his shadow, created by him jumping in front of his light-up musical aquarium in his crib, and deciding that he really didn't like it. Both my wife and I were up in the twins' room, comforting both the little ones (my son because he was scared and my daughter because she was so worried about her brother), wondering exactly how to convince him that his shadow is nothing to fear. Clearly, the first time didn't work, as she and I alternated trips up to calm our slightly shaking and very upset son a few more times before sleep won the fight and they now both are quiet.
Also, my lovely infant daughter seems to be able to produce more gas than your average elephant, and as you would imagine that makes her rather uncomfortable. This in turn makes us uncomfortable, because a screaming infant that you simply can't console isn't the epitome of a relaxing sound or sensation. Just as a sidebar, I never thought it could be possible that a child that small could clear a room with her noxious emissions, but trust me, it's possible.
I'm running on less than optimal sleep, because our oldest daughter was up 4 times in the night between the hours of 2am and 4:30am. She was in some sort of distress, and for the first time that I can remember, she cried out, "Dada! Mommy!" in the night. Most of the time, she either just moans or screams us awake, so this must have been serious. Some big hugs and tucking in later, she finally settled to allow us at least a bit of uninterrupted slumber.
All of these things have happened in just the past twenty-four hours, so you can only imagine what else has occurred recently. To be honest, I'm not sure exactly why I'm relaying all of this to you, the faceless, nameless reader. Therapy, maybe? There is the possibility that if I just get some of these experiences out of my head that they won't seem that bad. It's just that there are days that feel like they'll never end, and even when they do, there's another one just like it waiting for me with the rising of the sun. I won't lie to you, or me for that matter, and say that it's not discouraging at times. Talking to my wife, I sometimes liken the experience of parenthood to a hamster wheel that you can't get off. No matter how much you desperately want to stop running and just 'be' for a moment, the inexorable march of time and the needs of your children keep you running, running, running...
To go along with all of the responsibilities of being a parent, there's also the struggle with my inner child. You see, this immature little beast really wants to still be able to get up at noon on a Saturday and do whatever he wants. He still wants to go out and buy all the latest and greatest electronics and video games. He still wants to go to as many sporting events as he can secure tickets for. He still wants...well, he still wants to do whatever the hell he wants to do. The cold, hard reality of the situation is far different, though. Now, he is at least partially responsible for the care and well-being of three little lives, lives that would not exist if not for him. The twins are an alarm clock with no snooze button. Being home on weekends is no longer a restful experience. The running joke with my coworkers is that, "Work is where I can go to rest," but it's only partially a joke.
I switched to the third person in the last paragraph, at least in part, to try to separate myself from that aspect of my personality with which I struggle every day. To give in to the selfish wishes of my inner child goes against everything I need to do as a responsible parent. I need to be the best that I can be for them, to provide them with a roof over their heads, food on the table, clothes on their backs, and the opportunities to prosper in the realities of today. Along with the material requirements, I need to be attentive to them, show them the love and care that I received while growing up, so they never have to wonder if their parents love them. These responsibilities conflict with my desires for downtime and 'goofing off,' and there is a daily struggle for the dad I need to be to convince the child I want to be to put down the toys and fulfill the grownup obligations that just won't go away.
Now, if you've read this far, there hasn't been a whole lot of upside or anything to lead you to believe that I enjoy being a father. To the contrary, there are so many moments throughout the course of a day that make me take pause and realize just how blessed I really am. A smile from my infant daughter as I lay her on the changing table and let her kick her feet and wave her arms; my older daughter running into my arms for a "Big hug!"; my son, giggling uncontrollably as I crawl on the floor toward him, threatening him with tickles the whole way; the way they say "Please" and "Thank you" as I hand them their milk cups; the amazing reception I get when I come home from work, consisting of the kids screaming "Dada!" at the top of their lungs and grabbing me around the legs as I walk through the door. These are but a few of the incredible, unforgettable and amazing moments that help me cope with all the harsh realities of being an adult and causing me to stop and think about how lucky I really am, and that I wouldn't want it any other way.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
New (to me) Game Impressions
Today is day 2 of NaBloPoMo, and I don't want to give up just yet. Seriously, could I even look at myself in the mirror if I couldn't post on my blog for 2 consecutive days? Probably not, so here is the latest effort.
Having spent some money over the past few days on games from Steam during their big holiday sale, it came time to actually install the games on my computer and test drive my purchases. Here are my impressions from the games that were installed at this point in time: Braid, Osmos and Trine.
First, let's talk about Braid. It's the first game installed and played, and the one I spent the least amount of time with. Not because of anything involving the atmosphere, the graphics, the story or the challenge, because all of those aspects were just as advertised by the gaming press. The problem I'm dealing with right now is the PC control scheme, which involves the keyboard. At this point, I don't own a PC gamepad, and, strange as it may sound, this is the straw that might break that camel's back. The best analogy I can come up with to liken my experience of playing Braid with the keyboard is to try to play the first Super Mario Bros. with the keyboard. It's doable, sure, but is it fun? Acknowledging the fact I'm human, I don't want a somewhat artificial struggle with the controls to color the experience with a highly regarded game in a negative light. I'll certainly revisit this one after picking up a decent game pad.
Next, to touch on Osmos. Essentially an atmospheric puzzle game in the vein of fLOw, but with a failure state that fLOw didn't, it possesses a charm and aesthetic that's hard to ignore. The Green Pixels review describes the game better than I ever could. Having only spent a minimal time with it so far (20-25 minutes), I can safely say that I'll be coming back to it, most likely at a time when I could use a breath of fresh air or something to help me relax. Also, since I picked it up during the Steam sale for $1.99, I consider it a fantastic buy.
Finally, Trine. This is the game that piqued my interest the most, mostly after playing through most of the Steam demo earlier in the year, but not buying the game at that time solely as a financial decision (I do have a family to support, as much as the inner child in me may not want to admit). It's easiest to describe this game as a physics-based puzzle-platformer that allows you to freely switch between 3 different characters at will. What's not to love? There's great voice narration and character voices which are used to flesh out the story, and the keyboard and mouse controls work in this instance. I've worked my way through the intro level and the first level so far, which means I have a long way to go. It's not often I say this, considering the constraints on my gaming time, but I can definitely see myself completing this game.
If you read my earlier post talking about what I've bought from the Steam sale so far, you'll notice that these games represent about 30% of what I've purchased, so there's still some work to do to sample all of the new purchases. My impressions on these will follow in the next few weeks, unless some other shiny penny distracts me. I'm similar to a crow in that respect, in that I can't resist the urge to get wrapped up in something new when I have plenty of things (in this case, video games) to keep me occupied already in my possession. Maybe that's another challenge to work on in 2010, to stop being distracted by other things and keep my focu...hey, wait! Is that a new Mass Effect game coming out soon?
Having spent some money over the past few days on games from Steam during their big holiday sale, it came time to actually install the games on my computer and test drive my purchases. Here are my impressions from the games that were installed at this point in time: Braid, Osmos and Trine.
First, let's talk about Braid. It's the first game installed and played, and the one I spent the least amount of time with. Not because of anything involving the atmosphere, the graphics, the story or the challenge, because all of those aspects were just as advertised by the gaming press. The problem I'm dealing with right now is the PC control scheme, which involves the keyboard. At this point, I don't own a PC gamepad, and, strange as it may sound, this is the straw that might break that camel's back. The best analogy I can come up with to liken my experience of playing Braid with the keyboard is to try to play the first Super Mario Bros. with the keyboard. It's doable, sure, but is it fun? Acknowledging the fact I'm human, I don't want a somewhat artificial struggle with the controls to color the experience with a highly regarded game in a negative light. I'll certainly revisit this one after picking up a decent game pad.
Next, to touch on Osmos. Essentially an atmospheric puzzle game in the vein of fLOw, but with a failure state that fLOw didn't, it possesses a charm and aesthetic that's hard to ignore. The Green Pixels review describes the game better than I ever could. Having only spent a minimal time with it so far (20-25 minutes), I can safely say that I'll be coming back to it, most likely at a time when I could use a breath of fresh air or something to help me relax. Also, since I picked it up during the Steam sale for $1.99, I consider it a fantastic buy.
Finally, Trine. This is the game that piqued my interest the most, mostly after playing through most of the Steam demo earlier in the year, but not buying the game at that time solely as a financial decision (I do have a family to support, as much as the inner child in me may not want to admit). It's easiest to describe this game as a physics-based puzzle-platformer that allows you to freely switch between 3 different characters at will. What's not to love? There's great voice narration and character voices which are used to flesh out the story, and the keyboard and mouse controls work in this instance. I've worked my way through the intro level and the first level so far, which means I have a long way to go. It's not often I say this, considering the constraints on my gaming time, but I can definitely see myself completing this game.
If you read my earlier post talking about what I've bought from the Steam sale so far, you'll notice that these games represent about 30% of what I've purchased, so there's still some work to do to sample all of the new purchases. My impressions on these will follow in the next few weeks, unless some other shiny penny distracts me. I'm similar to a crow in that respect, in that I can't resist the urge to get wrapped up in something new when I have plenty of things (in this case, video games) to keep me occupied already in my possession. Maybe that's another challenge to work on in 2010, to stop being distracted by other things and keep my focu...hey, wait! Is that a new Mass Effect game coming out soon?
Friday, January 1, 2010
NaBloPoMo
It had been bouncing around in my head as a personal challenge to try to post every day for the month of January. At some point in the past year, I had read that this is a great way to condition yourself to writing daily, and that by forcing yourself to post, even the most mundane items, would form a habit. By forming this habit, removing one of the obstacles to writing, and hopefully gaining some valuable practice writing in the processthe theory holds that better material will follow.
While I was seriously contemplating this, I was alerted to National Blog Posting Month, or NaBloPoMo, in a post by a blogger who I follow (thanks, Dark Sakura!). Since there's a movement and a group of people dedicated to try to do exactly what I was considering independently, it seems like a sign that I should give it a shot. What you're reading right now is the beginning of this effort.
I know, I know, it's not exactly awe inspiring, is it? What do you expect from an engineer with no formal English, journalism or writing experience? I'm going to do my best to stick with this little exercise and stretch my writing a bit. You'll still be seeing a lot of video game related items here, but there should also be some other topics sprinkled in here and there, just to liven things up. One goal I've set for myself is to improve my vocabulary. Since I'm apparently an (ahem) adult, whether I want to be or not, it only seems wise to expand on the small base of words I know and spruce things up a bit.
That's all for now. It's getting close to the time where I turn into a pumpkin, and the kids are going to be up at 7am, whether I'm ready for them or not. For all of you out there in the same endeavor, best of luck to you, and I hope to join you all successfully at the end of the month!
While I was seriously contemplating this, I was alerted to National Blog Posting Month, or NaBloPoMo, in a post by a blogger who I follow (thanks, Dark Sakura!). Since there's a movement and a group of people dedicated to try to do exactly what I was considering independently, it seems like a sign that I should give it a shot. What you're reading right now is the beginning of this effort.
I know, I know, it's not exactly awe inspiring, is it? What do you expect from an engineer with no formal English, journalism or writing experience? I'm going to do my best to stick with this little exercise and stretch my writing a bit. You'll still be seeing a lot of video game related items here, but there should also be some other topics sprinkled in here and there, just to liven things up. One goal I've set for myself is to improve my vocabulary. Since I'm apparently an (ahem) adult, whether I want to be or not, it only seems wise to expand on the small base of words I know and spruce things up a bit.
That's all for now. It's getting close to the time where I turn into a pumpkin, and the kids are going to be up at 7am, whether I'm ready for them or not. For all of you out there in the same endeavor, best of luck to you, and I hope to join you all successfully at the end of the month!
Happy New Year!
To everyone out there, I wish you all a wonderful New Year. Here's to hoping that you are able to stick to your resolutions and that 2010 treats you better than 2009 (no matter how good or bad last year was, there's always room for improvement).
The one thing I resolve for 2010 is to be the absolute best husband, father, son, brother, employee and friend that I can be. If I can do that, then 2010 will be a success.
Enjoy yourselves tonight, be safe, and see you all in the next year!
The one thing I resolve for 2010 is to be the absolute best husband, father, son, brother, employee and friend that I can be. If I can do that, then 2010 will be a success.
Enjoy yourselves tonight, be safe, and see you all in the next year!
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